Taming the Demons

I can’t help it. There are many things that make me nervous. And I always worry the most about what is going to happen. I have anxiety issues, which means that I live surrounded by demons. I fear every next step I’m about to take in my life. And I end up exhausted every day. They are my demons, and I was about to learn a valuable lesson about taming the demons.

I feel bad about it. But when I see how my girlfriend worries for me, I feel miserable. She does everything she can to help me. Sometimes we talk for hours about whatever is troubling me. On other occasions, we listen to soothing music together, or she gives me a massage. All of it works, but when she showed me Shibari, I discovered one of the strongest therapies against anxiety.

At first, it sounded like a bad idea. Anxiety means that you are worried about bad things that can happen in the nearest or the farthest future. And many things can go wrong when you’re all tied up. However, it was precisely this vulnerability which showed me how much I can trust her. The helplessness of being tied showed me that love is stronger than my demons. 

Besides, instead of having a thousand catastrophic thoughts, I can focus on the dozens of wonderful sensations that the rope brings to my body. We have learned together about what we like, and what we don’t like in our scenes. And the Shibari repertoire is endless.

I am learning to be a rigger, too. It’s incredible to know that someone trusts me so much as to put herself in my hands. That also helps tame my inner demons. We are taking our training slowly, enjoying every step of the way. But one day, we hope to do suspension together, taking our mutual trust to another level, while the demons stay at home.

That’s what I learned about taming the demons.

This is my Shibari story.