Beyond Tying – Power

Shibari is not only a matter of ropes. There are many elements involved, beyond tying – Power, for example, is there, in the dynamic between top and bottom. And both of you should know how to handle it.

The power dynamic in a Shibari scene is defined by two poles: domination and submission. And the glue that brings them together is consent.

For a successful power dynamic, the first requirement is to acknowledge your personal choice. It makes no sense to pretend to be submissive if you’re dominant. And it is also absurd trying to show yourself dominant if submission is what your intimate impulses ask for. So, be honest with yourself and acknowledge your polarity. This doesn’t mean that you can never change your stand. Actually, there’s a lot of fun and insight in exchanging roles. But you have to define yourself, first. And don’t worry if you both want the same. A Dom-Dom dynamic is just as possible as a sub-sub one.

The next step is consent. Remember, “safe, sane, and consensual” is a must in any Shibari scene. Don’t be afraid and talk as much as you need till you get to an agreement that is mutually satisfactory. Now, issues will emerge during the scene that participants didn’t consider during the negotiation. That’s normal. You can’t foresee every possible detail. Just go back and rediscuss that missing point. You will find out that experienced couples have developed a strong, detailed consent agreement over time.

Finally, always be honest. If you didn’t like something that happened, if you changed your mind about accepting or rejecting something, say it. It is always better to discuss things than to bury them under the rug. 

Power is intoxicating, but you should never let it inebriate you. Keep a string of consciousness to remain in control of the scene, and responsible toward your partner.

There are many elements in a Shibari scene beyond tying – Power is one of them.