To put it plainly, vanilla sex is the most basic form of sexual intercourse. One that doesn’t go beyond the participants’ comfort zones the same way kinky sex might. Missionary probably is its most extravagant position. Vanilla sex is defined differently by different people, like all the different-tasting vanillas out there.
In the kink community
In the kink community, the term “vanilla sex” is used to differentiate between sexual preferences—regular and kinky sex— and is usually thought of as kink’s boring little sister. But how someone defines it depends heavily on his idea of vanilla and kinky sex.
At times, talking about sex is still taboo, as it has been for many years. Many people still shy away from sharing or discussing their own sexual preferences, as they usually compare them to other people’s for normality. But, if we could have a transparent, unprejudiced sex conversation, we wouldn’t have to worry about how normal our sex lives really are.
The difference between vanilla and kink
For some, vanilla, or plain regular sex, is a quiet experience, without a lot of different sexual positions. It is generally considered more intimate, reserved for someone close or special. Adventurous, wild sex, meanwhile, is perhaps easier to have with a random partner. For others, vanilla sex means uninspired, unacrobatic, or formulaic sex. But as I said above, the definition varies depending on whom you ask and his or her personal preference and perspective.
Though it is very different from BDSM, kink, or rope bondage, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy one if you enjoy the other. You can always feel curious and explore new things.