Shibari Is not for Everyone

They call me “master”. For me, that word implies a serious compromise. It took me ten years to deserve the title of “kinbakushi”, an expert in the art of Kinbaku, the erotic Japanese bondage. That’s why my students trust me. And that’s why I have to be totally honest with them and let them know that Shibari is not for everyone.

Lucy was always problematic, too impulsive. She wanted to learn fast, instead of learning well. Worse, she wanted to show off, instead of letting her work speak for itself. She wanted her own pleasure at the expense of the bottom, instead of creating a connection.

There are many charlatans in Shibari, and I didn’t want to add one more, so I was seriously considering expelling Lucy from my group of students. When she did a scene in which she tied up a man, and she harassed him all the time, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get rid of her. However, she put her pride aside, and she apologized. I thought she had finally “reached insight”, as we say, and so I allowed her to continue.

Big mistake. She came to my office and said she was going to take a long trip. Before leaving, she wanted me to teach her suspension. I told her she wasn’t ready for it. But she was stubborn as a cricket, and I finally agreed. That was my second mistake.

She did suspension all wrong. She was flirting with the bottom, instead of focusing on the scene. Her first knots were too loose. The following knots were too tight. All wrong, from the beginning. She stopped listening to me, and she seemed completely lost as to what to do next.

I noticed she was about to hurt the bottom, so I decided to stop the scene. I didn’t yell at Lucy; good teachers don’t yell. But I took her to my office and explained to her why she shouldn’t do Shibari anymore. Shibari is not for everyone. It’s a hard lesson, but it’s true.

This is my Shibari story.