Do not re-negotiate in the middle of a scene

Negotiation is very important in a Shibari or BDSM scene. It is the key to a successful rope scene, assuring that both people involved have a good time. Negotiation helps you discover more about yourselves. In this post, we explain an important point: no not re-negotiate in the middle of a scene.

Negotiation is one of the most important things in a Shibari scene. Basically, it is a form of communication, where you discuss the type of scene, your goals, and your boundaries. It is always important to specifiy the scene beforehand, its process, its structure, and whether it is going to be a sexual scene or just artistic. You should always negotiate before the scene. Do not re-negotiate in the middle of a scene. It is not valid, and it is not fair.

If prior to the scene you negotiated that there wouldn’t be any sexual touching during the scene, you should carry on that way. Most people in the middle of a Shibari scene change their minds as things get hotter. However, it is not a good idea to follow the energy of the scene. During the scene, the bottom enters the “subspace” where they get very turned on. Consequently, they might not be thinking clearly and just be flowing by the erotism of the scene. If you re-negotiate for a sexual touching while the bottom is in the subspace, it is possible they won’t remember the renegotiation and take it as a limit violation.

Negotiation requires a clear state of mind from both rigger and bottom. Re-negotiating during a scene is like going to the grocery store when you are starving. You will buy everything and will want everything, but it might not be what you needed or wanted. And it will be unfair to other people involved.