Consensual Non-Consent

As usual, we begin with a disclaimer: there is actually no such thing as non-consent in kink. Partners should not participate in something if they have previously not agreed about it. There are, however, degrees of consent, and in that continuum, Consensual Non-Consent, or CNC, occupies one of the extreme positions.

Domination can be as subtle as a day collar, or as extreme as a kidnap or rape fantasy. In the latter case, we’re talking about Consensual Non-Consent because partners agree to act as if they were not consenting. That is, they agree to disagree. This means that they consent to act in a scene in which they simulate the coercion to do certain things.

This should not be impressive. After all, kidnap and forced sex fantasies are among the most popular. Even vanilla couples sometimes find it more exciting when one of the partners says “no” meaning “yes”. Therefore, instead of denying the obvious and repressing these desires, couples are fee to discuss them openly and agree on specific actions for a given scene.

It is important to notice that only couples with a high level of intimacy should try CNC. If it’s your first time with a bondage partner, you should not try this kind of scene, for you still can’t clearly recognize whether your partner is uncomfortable or having a great time. And this is even more important if the scene is going to include sexual intercourse. Extreme forms of domination, including CNC, should only be tried by couples who thoroughly know each other and that have built a relationship together.

It is also advisable to have a safe word, in case things go wrong, and to provide extensive feedback, once the scene is over, to decide whether you both liked it, and whether you should try it again.