Breach of consent

Even the most careful and caring participants in a Shibari scene can make mistakes. Breach of consent is the accidental violation of something that participants previously agreed during the negotiation. It is different from predatory behavior, since it is accidental and not deliberate. Breach of consent can be either the rigger’s or the bottom’s responsiblity. However, it is most common in the case of the riggers, due to the nature of their role.

If you are the person that accidentally caused the breach of consent, it is important that you behave proactively. Acknowledge your mistake. Also, make sure the other participant understands that it was not a deliberate act, but rather an unfortunate action. Tell your partner how you will prevent the mistake from happening again and open the possibility of calling off the session. It is better to abort one session and make amendments than to lose trust among partners.

If you are the person whose limits were crossed, restate your limits in a clear, specific way. Make sure the other person understands that you did not consent to what happened, and that it is mandatory that it won’t happen again. If there was a serious violation of your limits, you should also consider getting medical help, if there is an injury. Try to identify specifically what went wrong, so that you can communicate it to your partner. One very important thing is to decide whether you want to continue with the scene or not. It is your call and no one else’s. 

For all participants involved, it is important to reduce resentment and avoid the loss of trust once there has been a breach of consent. Work your emotions, express your thoughts. Do not just bury the incident, because it won’t go away by itself. All mistakes are amendable, provided that there is good will and care from all parties involved.