Consent Negotiation with Your Partner
Consent negotiation with your partner is indispensable if you wish to enjoy this discipline.
There are many reasons why people like shibari; and, in particular, if they like to tie or to be the tied person. For example, this desire could stem from love and attraction. As another instance, it could be one that emanates from friends who want to fulfill this experience. You could wish to do so as a performer. In other simple terms, you could just wish to show off and prove yourself. Most people want to get that special feeling and experience “flying” in a suspension. In contrast, others do not like suspensions. Some people want to try something new each time and some just like to practice a specific pattern. As long as the intention of the scene is clear and both parties have established their consent, everything will be fine.
Consent Itself
What is consent? People think is to give permission, but in reality it is much more than that. Consent is an agreement that covers four elements: who, what, how long, and the intention. In short: who is doing what, for how long, and with what intention?
In shibari, both the rigger and the rope bottom get to enjoy the scene. However, while someone can be enjoying, the other one can be hating it. Of course this is not the objective of this erotic interaction. It is very important to communicate what you like and what you do not like. Other crucial aspects are how far the other can go, and where they cannot do so. Think of what would you like from them and what do you offer them.
Consent Negotiation with Your Partner: Its Importance
Why is consent in shibari important? Because people tend to assume things and to tolerate them. Remember: doing and giving is not the same. Consent negotiation with your partner is also relevant because it gives you a clear structure. Plus, it tells you of your partners needs, wishes, and limits. In this respect, keep in mind people need their safe space as much as you do. And all thist communication will bring you closer to your partner.
Some people think that they can totally “read” their partners. You can read some things, but not all of them. It is easy to lose sight of the fact that people commonly tolerate things. For this reason, they might not be as happy as you think they are. Not because someone is not saying anything, it means that they are comfortable. Of course, the goal is to be as open and assertive as to be able to discuss everything out loud. To get there, good consent negotiations are indispensable.
Consent Negotiation with Your Partner: Conclusion
The success of consent negotiations comes with getting clear and being honest, both with yourself and with your partner. You need to be clear about what you want, your limits, and your intentions during the shibari scene. And always remember the four elements of consent.
