Shibari and Responsibility Go Together

I’ve known Lily for some time. She does Shibari for all the wrong reasons. Hers is not a search for art, but for revenge. She’s reckless when she’s tying, instead of keeping calm and focused. She doesn’t connect with bottoms, she abuses them. It was just a matter of time before she provoked some disaster. Shibari and responsibility must always go together.

Like any other bully, she looked for her bottoms among vulnerable, hurt women, and she wouldn’t explain to them clearly what they were getting into. In those circumstances, she got a consent which was not what it is supposed to be: a conscious, clear decision.

Her technique was all wrong. She would frequently start her scenes without a clear plan, and without the proper safety measures. She would just improvise. And that’s something you can do only when you’re an accomplished rigger.

I don’t know where she got her title. It must have been some of these low-quality Shibari centers where people can’t even spell the Japanese terms right, and which usually disappear before the end of the year.

I began to show up at her “performances”, which were nothing more than improvisations where you could see her half-drunk and just doing a mess on stage and calling it Shibari. I was sure there would be an accident, and I wanted to be able to help.

Just as I expected, she made a crucial mistake: she tied her bottom by the neck. That’s something you should never do in Shibari, even beginners know that. I saw the panic in the bottom’s face. So, I immediately jumped to the stage, pushed Lily aside, and untied that dangerous knot.

I agreed not to call 911, in exchange for Lily’s promise that she would never try Shibari again. Also, I told her what I’d always thought about her: that she was a disgrace for this noble bondage tradition. And I made it clear that I didn’t want to see her holding a rope again.

I know this Shibari story isn’t sexy, interesting, or fun. But I wanted to make a point about how important it is to be responsible when practicing Shibari. Shibari and responsibility always go together.

This is my Shibari story.