Dominance

A dominant person, in one of the most common BDSM misconceptions, is someone who is loud and brash. However, this is a stereotype that we should challenge in order to attain a more accurate, better view of what a dominant person is. Dominance should be more related to good leadership. And good leadership involves skill, awareness, empathy, and respect. 

In a Shibari or BDSM, the dominant person is the one that assumes control. Also called dom or domme, it is they who have the power in the dynamic of the scene. This is not to say that they have the right to mistreat the submissive partner, but rather that they are the ones who lead the development of the scene.

The paradox of dominance is that, even though they are in control, everything they do, they do in terms of what the bottom’s emotions and reactions will be. This might lead us to think that the true dominant is the bottom. However, the bottom is in a position of utmost vulnerability toward the dom. This contradiction might never be solved, but it can surely be enjoyed by the participants in a Shibari scene.

 Since the dom is the tier, it is their responsibility to take all the necessary safety measures. Dominance should never lead to negligence. This is one of the most important aspects of this role.

Another important point is that the dominant person’s skills should match the level of difficulty of the scene. Floor bondage requires a lower level of skill, whereas suspension calls for a more experienced and resourceful dom. 

Finally, the dominant person should always keep in mind that their ultimate goal is the pleasure of all partners. This pleasure might involve consensually agreed pain or an extreme physical and emotional experience. However, it should never lead to abuse.