How Shibari Empowers Me

Some people think that getting tied up and submitting to your partner is something a feminist can’t do. I mean, a woman restrained by ropes is not the first picture that comes to mind when you talk about a strong woman! And yet, I’m convinced that Shibari empowers me.

I’ve had this conversation with several friends, and many of them find a contradiction between getting involved in a power dynamic and keeping your autonomy and empowerment at the same time. And this is very evident in the case of bondage, in which you’re literally restrained by ropes.

And yet, for me, there is no contradiction between these two purposes. Why? Because bondage—and the whole idea of kink, for that matter—is based upon consent. No matter what practice or fetish you’re talking about, nothing happens in a scene that hasn’t been previously consented to by all participants involved. Kinky practices are unusual and, frequently, risky. That’s why they demand explicit consent. And I think that’s the best way to guarantee that you’re not losing your autonomy and power of decision.

Ironically, vanilla relationships, that is, the ordinary, mainstream kind of relationship, don’t ask for such explicit consent. It is assumed that, because they are more “normal”, nothing can go wrong. And this, unfortunately, leaves the door open for misunderstanding, bad experiences, and outright abuse.

So, my answer to the original question is: yes, you can be a feminist and practice bondage, without losing your empowerment in the process. Shibari empowers me. And, to do this, remember to always keep things SSC, which means Safe, Sane, and Consensual.