Beyond Tying – Emotions 

Shibari is not only a matter of ropes. There are many elements in a Shibari scene beyond tying – Emotions, for example, are intense and powerful in a Shibari scene. And you should understand how to handle them.

The fact of playing top and bottom has intense emotional effects in the partners. For the top, domination brings an intense feeling of superiority, of being in charge, of feeling proud about oneself. Someone said, long ago, that power is the best drug. Probably, he was right. As for the bottom, submission also has an intense emotional effect. The willingness to “erase” oneself to please somebody else is something so unaccustomed in our society, that most people are not sure how to handle it, at first. 

Moreover, both domination and submission are forbidden emotions under the conventional, vanilla eyes of our society. Therefore, the very fact of experiencing the forbidden will certainly bring you a rush of adrenaline, and another rush of dopamine, no matter what role you’re playing. This mix of fear and pleasure, of feeling guilty and powerful at the same time, is not easy to handle. That’s why the best advice is to experience it in gradually stronger doses. 

So, for example, you should try some easy knots at first. The sensation of actually tying someone, for the top; and of actually being tied, for the bottom; will provide an strong emotional effect. And this is true, even if the tying is simple. Going from no Shibari to a full suspension can be too much for inexperienced participants.

Shibari scenes take time. And all through the process of tying, emotions will come and go, both for the top and the bottom. It is important to take the time to identify, acknowledge, and release these emotions.

Finally, make sure that the aftercare lasts long enough to release all the emotional charge of the scene. Don’t cut it short, or you may ruin the whole scene.

There are many things in a Shibari scene beyong tying – Emotions is one of them.