Friction Marks

Friction marks are unavoidable in Shibari. Actually, no matter how many soft ropes and delicate riggers you find; in the end, you will always get friction marks. And that’s ok. After all, life is like that, too. Stretch marks are also unavoidable, as well as gray hair. You get the idea. In other words, life puts its mark on you. And the only way to avoid it is to quit living.

Shibari taught me that lesson among other valuable things. After all, just like life, Shibari takes time. And you can’t rush it, just as you can’t rush your development as a person. Shibari leaves friction marks just like life leaves permanent imprints on you. Every experience, turned into memories, is a mark, and those will always be with you.

I used to hate friction marks the same way I used to hate finding gray hairs or stretch marks. Not anymore. Actually, I’ve come to love friction marks. I don’t know if they are good or bad, if they are pretty or ugly. But one thing I do know: they are mine. I’ve earned each and every one of them by doing what I want. And if gray hairs and stretch marks are the price I have to pay for living the life I want to live, that’s fine with me.

Friction marks remind me that I’m a person, and that I have feelings. If I were a senseless thing, I wouldn’t have them. In that case, my body wouldn’t react to the contact with the rope. But I do react. Actually, each one of my cells is full of life. And in the same way good soldiers have their scars, I’m proud of my marks, my gray hair, and my stretch marks. It is important to acknowledge and love the person I am now, today, instead of longing for a long gone version of myself.

This is my Shibari story.