Losing Control is Good

I’m in charge. That means, I have to be in control of every last detail. Actually, that’s how it works in the office. I’m a top executive and I can’t leave anything to chance. For example, I attend meetings, read reports, make decisions, and provide feedback to each member of my team. I am in control. And yet, sometimes losing control is good.

It is great. Indeed, I feel empowered and successful. I have achieved difficult goals relying on my skills and hard work. No one has carried me to the top and I have never cheated. I am here because I deserve it. Air feels different here, and I like it. I enjoy being one of the best.

It hasn’t been easy. I’m young. I’m a woman. I’ve had to overcome multiple obstacles, besides my own doubts. I have given blood for every inch I’ve conquered.

I was getting really stressed out. My body was tense. My thoughts were a mess. I tried alcohol, like everyone else. You know, a drink or two before going to bed. But I realized I was harming myself. I tried exercise and pills. They didn’t work, either.

Then I discovered Shibari. At first, it sounded like the worst idea. Being tied up for a long time didn’t sound relaxing. And I had a problem with losing control because I like to be in charge. 

However, it turned out to be the best. Losing control in such an extreme way is the perfect counterbalance to the need of handling the smallest detail at the office. And having a long time to look within as I am blindfolded brings harmony to my thoughts. My worries disappear into silence as I concentrate on all the exciting sensations the rope brings to the most unexpected places of my body.

Now, I go to a Shibari studio once a week. It is my stress reliever. It’s my guilty pleasure. It is how I balance having to be a control freak at work.

This is my Shibari story.