No Guilt Attached

I love Michael, so I had to tell him my secret. We had been dating for six months and things were getting serious between us. I really wanted us to grow closer, but I realized that, if I wasn’t totally honest with him, it would all end up in disaster. Little did I know that, thanks to bondage, we were going to find a way to enjoy ourselves, no guilt attached.

You see, I come from a very conservative family. And that means that my sexual education was not only what you would call decidedly vanilla, but that they taught me to see sexuality as something dirty and ugly. Now, in my case it all comes down to a very specific problem: I can’t have an orgasm. I mean, I can have an orgasm, but not if I’m with a man. It only happens when I satisfy myself.

My therapist gave me an explanation. She says that, since giving myself to a man is something that my education taught me to see as repulsive, I can only enjoy my sexuality when there is no such a submission. In other words, I have the idea, deep inside of me, that giving myself to a man is equivalent to becoming his whore, and, since I can’t accept that idea, I forbid myself to enjoy intercourse.

Now is when bondage comes to the picture. You see, if I’m restrained, I don’t have control over what’s happening. I mean, of course I do, and I want it to happen. But when your mind plays tricks on you, you learn to play tricks on it. If I am all tied up, there is no guilt, because I can’t control what happens.

At first, Michael wasn’t sure of trying bondage. However, when he saw the “results” (meaning sweaty, mind-blowing, shaking results), he got convinced. 

Of course, I could have spent years in therapy to fix the problem, but Shibari gave me an instant solution. No guilt attached.

This is my Shibari story.