Shibari as a Problem Solver

My wife and I are the kind of couple that doesn’t talk. That is, we talk everyday, of course, but when it comes to having an argument, we both avoid the discussion. That is not good, of course, and we end up having ugly fights because we kept quiet to avoid what would have been a mild discussion. Little did we know we would end up using Shibari as a problem solver.

We tried many solutions for our communication problem. Notes, a shared diary, you name it. Nothing worked. We love each other, and none of us likes to hurt the other, so you can imagine how worried we were about not finding a solution.

And then came Shibari. We had used some toys and stuff in the bedroom. We’re a middle-aged couple, not a couple from the Middle Ages. And we had gotten into bondage, too, though to a very basic level. But it had never occurred to us that we could use Shibari as a problem solver.

It’s very easy, actually. One of us ties the other. Just like that. While we do it, we realize that this time we cannot avoid the problem. Either we go out of this together, or we stay stuck. Then, the rigger asks a very direct question, and the bottom has to give a straight answer. If we both do our part, the rigger unties a knot. And so on, until the bottom is released, and the rigger has finished.

I can’t tell you how easy it is to solve problems this way. If you are the bottom, you know you’re not getting anywhere until you tell the truth. If you are the rigger, you feel a great responsibility not to take advantage of the bottom’s vulnerability to satisfy your anger or your thirst for revenge. It’s a win-win situation. Guaranteed.

This is our Shibari story.