Shibari and Desire

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Desire is part of the human condition. We all want something, and, once we get it, we want something else. Desires might be as basic as a cheeseburger and as complex as winning a Nobel Prize or becoming a member of Congress. Shibari is no stranger to desire. Actually, there’s a strong link between Shibari and desire.

First of all, the restraint in Shibari indicates a desire for possession. By immobilizing the bottom, the top is owning their will and, therefore, dominating the person. Forbidding someone to move is the clearest sign of domination. And nobody wants to dominate a person they don’t care about.

And then comes the first delicious paradox of Shibari: there is domination, but there isn’t possession, at least, not necessarily. When a rigger ties a bottom who is not their partner, the domination exercised by restraint is not confirmed by erotic intercourse. This creates an ambiguous realm which participants frequently find pleasurable, even more so than if they actually had intercourse.

To understand what we said in the previous paragraph, we must understand the psychological implications of bondage. Physically, it’s a matter of ropes. However, when it comes to the minds and emotions of the participants involved, we must take into consideration the power dynamics that arise among them.

As we can see, Shibari fulfills certain desires, but it also generates new ones. This is the kind of emotional spiral that can lead a person into subspace, or into the euphoria of dominance. Whether it is an event in itself, or the prelude to something more intimate, Shibari always implies desire. That’s what makes it so compelling. It deals with a basic aspect of human nature.

So, whenever someone asks why you like ropes, take a couple of minutes to explain to that person that there are many more elements involved in Shibari.

It will count as your good deed of the day.