How to Ask for Shibari

Even though most people nowadays accept bondage as an aesthetic or erotic practice, there are still many people who are not familiar with Shibari. So whether you are in an informal relationship or in a more permanent partnership, you should know how to ask for Shibari.

First of all, you should be aware in advance of whether the preferences of your partner tend to the vanilla or to the kinky side of the spectrum. This will give you an idea of how agreeable they will be to the idea of Shibari.

Secondly, you should explain the differences between bondage as a BDSM practice and bondage within the Japanese tradition. Make sure to clarify the differences and similarities between Hojojutsu, Shibari, and Kinbaku.

Given this context, you can now proceed to explain to your partner that you are interested in trying Shibari. Make sure to be clear and specific about what you want to do and why you want to do it. Your partner must be aware, from this early stage, whether you look forward to bondage for aesthetic, emotional, or sexual purposes.

If your partner agrees, set up a date for an upcoming meeting. There you will discuss the specifics of your first scene together, whether it is Shibari or Kinbaku. Also, and very importantly, discuss the safety measures and precautions necessary for the success of the scene. It is mandatory that you are honest when explaining the risks involved in a Shibari scene. Otherwise, you are obtaining a consent derived from deceit, and, therefore, it is not valid.

If your partner refuses to do the scene, then you should respect their decision and insist no longer. However, you can ask them to think about it and rediscuss the issue at another time.

Now you know how to ask for Shibari.

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