Psychological Keys of Bondage

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Shibari goes way beyond ropes, as we’ve mentioned in previous articles, and as any true rope enthusiast knows. There is a power dynamic involved. And there are also many psychological keys of bondage. If you want to take your scenes to the next level, you should be aware of them.

First of all, you should never coerce a partner into Shibari. Bondage is a great experience, but it’s not for everyone. If your partner says “no,”  once you’ve invited them to do a scene, you should respect their decision. You may try to bring up the subject later, when the relationship is stronger, and your partner is in the proper mood to have new experiences. However, as we all have learned the hard way in recent years, no means no. And no one should force someone else to say yes.

Consent must be the foundation not just of bondage in general, but of every aspect of it. Don’t take a step further unless all parties involved have agreed to it. And if you have any doubts, ask again. Never take consent for granted. This is so important that we’ll say it again: never take consent for granted. Period.

Now, the emphasis on consent that we mentioned in the previous paragraph, should not take away the fun and enjoyment of a scene. Shibari should never be seen as a work to do, but rather as something you do for pleasure and fun. Enjoy every part of it. Enjoy every moment, even if it’s not perfect. It is perfect not because of its technical qualities, but because it is something you and your partner are sharing.

One final word about the psychological keys of bondage: allow yourself to make new discoveries. Yes, there is a plan, and yes, most of the scene has already taken place in your mind. But we should always be open to surprises. If you expect them, they’ll be there.

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