I always Consented

A couple of weeks ago, Ms. Dorothy Kupra, also known as “The Purple Witch,” a renowned feminist, devoted her weekly column on The Warrior Vagina website to criticizing BDSM in general and bondage in particular. In her text, Ms. Kupra said that BDSM is “by definition, oppressive to women.” She also stated that “while it fulfills male fantasies of domination and humiliation, it is of no service to the women involved.” In response, Kathy McMillan, a Shibari enthusiast, wrote an open letter entitled “I Always Consented,” which we now transcribe.

“Dear Purple Witch:

I like to consider myself an emancipated woman. That is, I have a diploma, I earn my own money, and, most importantly, I make my own decisions when it comes to my private life. I read your most recent column and I couldn’t disagree more. You’re missing the whole point, and I’ll explain to you why.

Being kinky is a decision. And not just any decision, but one that reinforces your true personality. Having the courage to say without shame that you like what most people consider weird and perverted is perhaps the strongest way of being true to yourself. It is empowering.

And you know what’s even more empowering? Consent. I’m not a doll with no brains whose only purpose is to fulfill male fantasies. I am a woman who decides, every time, whether she wants or not to participate in some practice or another. I always consented to whatever has happened in my bedroom. And if that also brings pleasure to a man, or to another woman, or to a group of people, I’m perfectly fine with that. And that’s because I don’t hate them. I don’t hate them even if they say “no.”

I understood long ago that it is not by excluding each other that men and women will solve their problems. It is by coming together through consent that we will eliminate abuse.”

This is her Shibari story.