Vulnerability

People usually understand vulnerability as the possibility of being hurt or overpowered. So, for example, we say that a place is vulnerable when there are evident ways of trespassing. Likewise, we say of a person that they are vulnerable if we know their secrets or compromising information about them. Vulnerability, in its most basic sense, refers to the risk of physical injury. That’s how we understand it when we say that a marathon runner, for example, is vulnerable to heat and dehydration. However, people can also suffer emotional injuries, which are no less harmful. That’s the case of a bottom who allows their top to know their limits and preferences.

Within the context of a Shibari scene, vulnerability implies many things. First of all, it is a conscious assumption of the physical risks that come with any Shibari scene. Bondage is riskier than other practices, and there can be muscular and nervous injuries, like any bottom or top will tell you. But there can also be emotional injuries. Bottoms trust themselves to their tops. And they do so with the expectation of tops taking care of them. If their expectations are not satisfied, they are bound to feel hurt.

Doing a Shibari scene requires a very honest conversation among participants. This means opening up and recognizing your true desires and feelings, your limits, and your preferences. In other words, participants have to become vulnerable among each other, if the scene is to succeed.

All the previous considerations don’t mean that vulnerability is a bad thing. Quite the opposite, vulnerability is the price consenting adults pay to have a meaningful experience. You can always stay on the surface, of course. But safety comes with a high price.

In the end, participants should understand vulnerability as an integral part of the dynamic among consenting adults. If you are willing to engage in bondage, you must expect a certain degree of it.