Shibari and Discipline

Many kink people think of it as a realm for freedom, spontaneity and self-pampering. So, a concept like “discipline” sounds quite incompatible with kink. And yet, Shibari shows us that discipline and game, discipline and joy, and discipline and improvisation are not contradictory terms. This, of course, is quite common in the Japanese culture, which is able to break apparent contradictions to enrich experience. However, for our minds, accustomed to think in terms of “this vs that”, it might be a good idea to say a few words about Shibari and discipline.

First of all, Shibari needs preparation. Like it or not, it isn’t something that you can just jump into. Of course, you can go to a studio and get yourself tied, if you suddenly feel the urge to. Likewise, you can break the boredom of a slow afternoon by searching for the nearest bondage workshop. However, in the end, a bondage scene will never be a matter of fifteen minutes. And that’s ok. In a world saturated with a million ways for immediate gratification, something that takes time to achieve higher aims, like Shibari, involves a valuable lesson.

Shibari also requires discipline if you want to learn it well. It’s not enough to learn how to do the knots “more or less well”. A knot wrongly tied can be uncomfortable or cause injuries. Things have to be done well. Suspension, for example, demands a high level of concentration and a strong commitment to safety.

Finally, the appreciation of Shibari also demands discipline. If you don’t watch closely and thoughtfully, all you’ll see will be a person with a bunch of ropes over their body, and some friction marks. You need to force yourself to see past beyond the obvious to really appreciate bondage.

So, since Shibari demands preparation, learning, and concentration, there is a strong relation between Shibari and discipline. But, far from being a disadvantage, it only makes it better.