Shibari and Trust

Shibari and Trust

Our marriage was breaking up, simple as that. We quarreled all the time. We were hurt. And, we didn’t trust each other. We tried to solve it ourselves; we failed. Then, we tried therapy. That failed, too. We were so desperate that we were willing to try anything to save our marriage. That’s when we discovered Shibari, and the relation between Shibari and trust.

At first, it sounded like an awful idea. How would tying each other do us any good? However, we took a workshop, and the instructors —a couple— insisted that Shibari was not just about knots. That it was actually about becoming deliberately vulnerable, and then discovering how much we could trust each other. That sounded exactly like what we needed, so we decided to give it a try.

And it worked. We went to buy some ropes and other stuff and, since none of us knew more than the other about Shibari, neither he or I could take a position of power and command. We were learning together, and that simple fact brought us closer.

And then, we did our scene. It wasn’t a spectacular Shibari demonstration, just a few knots. But it was enough to rediscover our bodies —the same bodies we had grown bored to see—to remember just how many wonderful sensations the skin can provide. And that wasn’t all.

The connection between us was as strong as it hadn’t been for years. We found out that, since we knew so much about the other, we barely needed to speak to understand each other. And being so vulnerable in front of the other showed us how much we wanted the other to feel safe, welcome, and happy. We had the opportunity to hurt each other and we didn’t take it. We discovered the relationship between Shibari and trust.

This is my Shibari story.