Trauma and Kink

Zadist Hkm, one of the members of the “Free the Kink” Facebook group, posted a text about trauma and kink. As any practitioner knows, there are several, intense psychological factors involved in bondage and all other kinks. 

Though brief, Zadist’s post is full of insight. For him, trauma is an altered perception of ourselves. “This can lead to self-sabotage, either consciously or not, in order to confirm this false narrative inside the mind.”

To deal with it, he points that there should be “a hell of a lot of communication” among partners. Additionally, “there needs to be an establishment of trust and vulnerability between all partners. This will “create a safe place to share what is going on within one’s self.” 

In the end, “while a person cannot ever truly overcome trauma (and the responses that result from it), they can learn to manage it and live a life full of wondrous connections and outstanding achievements.” 

Most of the comments about the post agree with its main ideas. Trauma affects relationships, or, as one member said in a comment: “I find myself self-sabotaging my relationships even when happy. It’s like past trauma has been engraved in my brain and I continue the discomfort without knowledge until it’s too late.” Members also agree with the need for communication: “Communication is key. I struggle every day due to past trauma.”

Other members mentioned the importance of support groups or of having a partner with whom to share the trauma and its effects. However, as one person pointed out: “That’s fine IF you can talk about your trauma. Sometimes it’s just not safe to do so, let alone seek therapy.” This reminds us that, if the problem is too complex, the best option is to seek professional help.

The original post of Zadist Hkm with all the comments discussing trauma and kink is available in the “Free the Kink” Facebook group.