Insecure Dominants

Sebastian Melmoth, a member of the “Free the Kink” Facebook group, posted a series of questions about insecure dominants. This must be a sensible topic for many people, for there were 147 comments, way more than for most of the other posts.

The BDSM community frequently discusses the topic of vulnerability. However, they are not as eager to discuss insecurity. They might seem to be the same thing at first, but there are significant differences that make it worthy to discuss each one on its own.

The original post, which includes several questions, goes like this: “Are dominants allowed to be insecure?. I mean, they’re humans too. And they’re definitely allowed to have their weaknesses; nobody’s perfect. But having insecurities and not having conquered them How can you be your submissive’s guide if you can’t conquer yourself and haven’t defeated your fears? How can you dominate and control someone if you cannot dominate and control yourself first?”

Most of the answers pointed to the fact that Doms are human beings and, therefore, are subject to the same insecurities other people have. And this is something that, although obvious, people should occasionally remember. Sometimes, partners have unrealistic expectations about their partners, and this is unhealthy for any relationship.

For example, member Courtney Marie posted the following comment: “Absolutely, they can. Doms are people too, with the same fears, insecurities, hopes, and dreams as their s-types. They are not robots or kink dispensers. Doms need to know they, too, can have bad days and weak moments. And when they do, their s-types need to be there for them, to be their strength for that moment.”

You can find the original post about insecure dominants and all the comments in the “Free the Kink” Facebook group. It is an interesting read that you should share with your partners.