Fear in BDSM

Even though kink is all about personal freedom, there is also fear in BDSM. In the “Free the Kink” Facebook group, Zadist HKM, a frequent contributor, shares his thoughts on the topic.

Zadist begins by identifying fear as “the thing that often holds you back.” Fear is always an obstacle and it comes in many shapes and sizes: “fear of abandonment, fear of judgment, fear of change, fear of disappointment, fear of failure, the list goes on.”

The danger of fear is that it “becomes a hiding place, an excuse to remain closed off and stagnant when it comes to growth.” And so, eventually, “fear becomes a crutch.”

In order to overcome this obstacle, Zadist proposes a solution that combines two elements: “vulnerability and trust.” He encourages all members of the community dealing with fear to “take the leap. Give trust and vulnerability little by little until it slowly becomes second nature.”

This is not an easy task. Moreover, it is not something you can be achieve automatically. That’s why Zadist adds another element to the cure for fear: “Practice patience with yourself and have faith in your ability to be okay.” Taking small steps is better than taking no steps at all.

Vulnerability, trust, and patience are no magic spell. As Zadist reminds us: “people do suffer harm from living this life. Mental, emotional, and physical scars are a painful reminder of this.”

But it is an effort worth your time because “the fact of the matter is you have two choices at the end of the day, either you let the fear consume you and hold you prisoner or you fight it and in time learn how to be the master of yourself.”

What do you think about fear in BDSM?

This and other texts from Zadist HKM can be found in the “Free the Kink” Facebook group.